Techno Robot Pudding

So I’m waiting to see when my router decided to spazz out again. About 40 minutes ago it decided that it was going to stop working. Why not just cut out the Internet connection? Well, why not indeed. Because there it went, poof. What a nice surprise. Nice like waking up to a steaming pile of shit being lathered onto your face.

So of course I want to kick the fucking thing into the wall after lighting it on fire, but that might void the warranty. Some warranty. Instead I put it through a few power cycles. Well, the wireless decides it doesn’t want to work. Oh, no Internet on a regular hard-wired Ethernet connection either. Hm. And what’s this? I have to re-activate my DSL! Oh! Because I didn’t already do it. I just happened to hook everything up and it magically worked with no problems. Let’s take a trip in the Ol’ Pissed Off Wayback Machine. *doot doot doot*

I order DSL and local phone service as part of a special “package” from Verizon. I get a confirmation email for the bundle and the phone service, with the promise of a DSL confirmation very shortly. After two days, it never comes. I, of course, call Verizon tech support. After navigating through about a hundred stupid robot voice prompts, I am redirected to the heavily outsourced gentleman who tells me apparently my order for DSL was never placed! Hm, I thought when you ordered a bundle, they gave you the bundle. Maybe I’m just an idiot. So I get “redirected” to sales, who never answers. Turns out they’re closed.

The next day I find the number for a local sales office. The woman I talk to is very pleasant, not outsourced, and quick to help. She promptly places my order, and makes the proper adjustments so I might obtain the benefits of the bundle pricing. I am then given a service ready date of December 11. I play the waiting game. On December 8, I try to use my phone, but notice it’s dead. After dealing with robot service asshole again and determining that this is indeed their problem, I am outsourced again to a gentleman who speaks with no expression or empathy for my plight. I try to explain that someone was working on a neighbor’s line, perhaps they accidentally screwed up my line. He’s not listening. Instead, he schedules a tech to visit, something I could’ve done with the damn robot. I also inquire about my DSL. He states that it says the service was ready on the 7th. Well, why wasn’t I sent a notification like they said they would? I tell him I was given the 11th as the date. He rudely tells me I’m wrong and it’s the 7th. I hang up on the asshole.

So I wait until Monday the 10th. I’m at work and the tech calls my cell phone, telling me that something was indeed hooked up wrong. I had no idea, because it’s not like that’s what I was telling the idiot on the phone several days ago. But this guy is local, and very nice. He apologizes profusely, and I feel bad because he’s working for idiots. Once again the local person does good. So I get home and hook everything up. The “setup” software runs on my Mac, to a point. It decides to repeatedly freeze and crash no matter what I do. Great product. So I run it on my PC, and everything goes through, but what should’ve taken 15 minutes took five times as long. Service is steady, and wonderfully fast. I was impressed.

The next day (see: the 11th, when I was told my service would be ready) I get an email telling me my service is ready. No shit. Then, two days after, I get a phone call from Verizon telling me my service is ready. Once again, I had NO IDEA… Geez. So now we end up at the present. Wireless resets, I have to re-activate, and I’m led to wonder if I have to do this again. Or how often.

But in other news, I’ve taken a small interest in Shiny Toy Guns. The song “Don’t Cry Out” is just fantastic. I’m going to get the album and see what else they may have to offer, aside from that overplayed TV ad song “Le Disko.”

File this one under consumer reports, basically.

Oh ho ho! He’s alive. And thus the unannounced hiatus of five months ends. What have I been doing for five months? The same thing you’ve been doing for five months. The answer is: nobody cares. Now out to sports with Steve Winwood.

So much new music, so little time in which to talk about it. Note the presence of the Sonific Songspot in the sidebar. I found some tunes I actually like on their site, incorporated it with the widget, and BAM! Emeril sues me.

I will say that the new Radiohead is quite good. I’m enjoying the second disc of In Rainbows right now, and it was definitely worth the wait. I buy music sometimes. Sometimes I also drink tea. Don’t you see the big picture now?

There was nothing in that. Don’t take it to heart. Take it to stomach, along with two Aleve and a glass of warm salt water.

Time to answer some questions from the ol’ dusty mailbag. Let’s see…

Scott M. from San Francisco writes: “What is your favorite color?”

Well Scott, it’s yellow. Even though I never wear anything yellow or own much of anything that is yellow. Sometimes you just have to express your favorite color by being your favorite color. Kurt Cobain’s was blue.

Huang Chung from 1986 writes: “Do you have a Facebook page?”

Thanks for writing in Huang. Remember those Dance Hall Days? I sure do. To answer your question, only sometimes when I get really bored and the lights are out.

T. Lee from Tommyland writes: “Who’s your favorite drummer?”

Hey, any relation to Ang Lee? Or Spike Lee? Or Gigli? I would have to say my favorite drummer is Pat Steward, who’s been seen drumming for the likes of Bryan Adams, Limblifter, and Matthew Good to name a few. The guy keeps a great beat and reminds me of Keith Moon with a modern touch. He’s fantastic live. Number two would be Stephen Morris from New Order. He shares my birthday.

Rob D. from Wishville writes: “When will you return to consistently providing content on websites including your own?”

The Sparks Are Gonna Fly, Rob. I think it’s funny how pie doesn’t taste as good when you leave it on the counter for three weeks. You rock!

That’s all the time for reader mail today. Tune in next week when we will show you how to gut a live rat and use its entrails to cover up unsightly beer stains on your great-grandmother’s antique rugs. Rock ‘n Roll!