Techno Robot Pudding

so i’m quite possibly back again. i was considering dumping this whole endeavor. it seems that i just don’t have the time or patience to sit down and do anything useful anymore. or anything non-useful for that matter. but i can never make up my mind, and i’m one to procrastinate, so who knows really.

i can say that i won’t be working like a bitch as i have been for the last several weeks. not that i don’t like making money, it’s just that i need a few extra hours a week to do things like sleep and write stupid shit on a small personal site that almost nobody reads. you know.

i’m really tired of self-important people. or selfish people. fuck you. i don’t have the time or patience to listen to all of your pointless shit that doesn’t really amount to anything. stop idling back and forth in your indecisiveness and either admit that you don’t know what the hell is going on or at least find a corner to wallow in so i don’t have to put up with it. i’m done. that’s it. shut it.

finding time to sort one’s head out is another matter. it’s hard to sit down and sort the world. it’s hard enough to sit down and sort your clothes. or pair your socks. i just throw them all in the drawer and find two that are close enough. it’s a practice i’ve begun as of late.

i don’t like wearing socks, but i don’t like being barefoot in shoes. perhaps i should invest in some sandals. i haven’t had a good pair in ages. there’s something to add to the ever-growing list.

i’ve also gotten back into fishing. i’ve rounded up a heap of supplies. now the trick is finding time to go and sit around. good luck, right?

these headphones really are the best pair i’ve ever owned, or used for that matter. sony mdr-7506. just spend the money. you can use them for sound mixing too. with music, i actually notice nuances i’ve never heard before. or maybe that’s the alcohol. speaking of which…

alcohol is a double-edged sword. because on one hand it can make the world okay for a little while. but on the other, when you come down it makes the world’s flaws much more apparent. it’s like you’re suspending your distaste for everything for a little while, only to pay it back in spades afterwards. nothing’s ever free, i guess?

in other news, i like forza motorsport 2. sure, it’s lacking in a few departments, but i like getting cars, giving them paint jobs based on my hideous taste, and then beating stupid opponents while raking in penalty seconds for trying to drive people off the track. blasted realistic physics.

i’m officially trademarking my production name. well, not officially. which means i can’t tell you what it is yet. loser.

we’re all losers in this great race to the end of the world, aren’t we?

I watched the rivers split into several meandering pathways. They rode silently along, dividing the gravel that dare get in the way, sweeping anything denser underfoot and into the archives of times forgotten. Once again the land was ruled by waves whose peaks and valleys varied greatly from day to night to morning to evening. Once again my head failed to respond to the pressures of being. I awoke to nightmares after delving in them as the darkness surrounded me. The wasted thoughts were fading out like a ship on the far horizon, their echoes only apparent in the slight variations left within tiny fading eddies. As always, I sought reassurance from myself that today was another day. What I had just seen was not true. What I had to deal with could be just as bad, or on the off chance, much better.

There came times where I wished I could ruin the sky. Where I could grab it with my hands and tear it down like a blanket on the laundry line. Only so I could wrap it around me and somehow allow its shelter to cool the fury built within me. And of course that too was but a passing fantasy.

So the rounds continue and I am without a safety net. The only respite is a cold breeze parsing through the sieve of my window screen. I pray that it does not get too cold, or I’ll wake with a headache. Or, another headache for the day.