Techno Robot Pudding

so it’s finally news. the release date of matthew good’s new record. well hell, i’ll let him tell you. and i won’t give a direct link. you’ll find it on his site. you should be checking it out anyways. what i will give a direct link to, however, is his biography page which explains some of the process behind Hospital Music. while i cannot say that my life has been as turbulent as matthew’s this past year, i can say that it has been filled with ups and downs. from the few tracks i’ve heard from the album, it seems as though some of the feelings brought through will be shared.

and just when you thought that you were down for the count, things pick up again. and they get all crammed together. dammit. but it’s a good dammit, dammit.

continuing the mac attack, and things are still so very good. rock n roll.

the good, the bad, and the worse. it’s all here. perhaps you thought that you could get away from it all by simply taking another step. you were wrong.

is it going to be possible to duck out for a minute or two now? will anything be able to line up in the near future? could any of it
come close to calming down? how can i even keep my eyes open anymore?

questions questions questions. and the answers? if i knew them, why would i be asking anything to begin with? i’m not fucking socrates.

yeah, techno robot pudding is still alive! huzzah! believe it…. or not.

where’ve i been? well, that’s like asking where the sun goes as the twilight climbs into the sky. it’s like asking pants why they either fit too loose or too tight. it’s like trying to capture the wind in a bottle and sell it on ebay to unsuspecting teenagers.

okay, so maybe it’s not like any of those things. the fact of the matter is that i’ve been busy with highs and lows. we’ve reached a new level of dealing with problems. problems which, really, shouldn’t be happening. in a fair and just world this would be true. someone’s got a sick sense of humor, to slightly reference Depeche Mode.

and i’ve got this fancy new MacBook Pro. it’s the diesel model. i saved a decent amount on it. in fact, i’m using it right now. it’s an odd transition, but it’s cool. before you go thinking i’ve abandoned the pc platform altogether, i’m still faithfully running XP on my desktop beast rig. it’s just i felt i needed a mobile production system. this fits the bill nicely. now to add some more diesel productivity software.

what of the old laptop? well, she’s been very very good to me. and she will still be seeing some use, probably by other members of my family. however, i may still use some things too, though every program i have on there is also on my desktop, which runs them all better anyways.

the following weeks are still going to be somewhat chaotic. as it is, i’m fairly exhausted. i’ve also begun to experience a few unusual aches and pains. i can only hope these are random disconnected occurences.

i’ve also picked up a fairly-priced edition of the Smashing Pumpkins box set “The Aeroplane Rides High.” it’s true that you can tell the mark of a great band by listening to their b-sides. i’m glad i dropped the bucks to pick up this rarity. the cover of The Cars’ “You’re All I’ve Got Tonight” is killer.

killer like OJ. oh snaps!

The very last day I was there I couldn’t get that fucking song out of my head. The bridge with the hand claps and the back-and-forth riffs was stuck. There was an awkward surrealism about it all. Not quite four years. From the bottom to the top. Well, not the top. In fact, my title had always remained the same. As it should have. What was to make me better than anyone? I simply had more experience. With experience came things, but that does not simply justify me being higher in any way. Then they point at the money.

I know I do not have to leave, but I feel like it’s required. The next step needs to be taken, and there needs to be a clean break. I don’t want to say goodbye. I’m terrible with goodbyes. So I don’t say them. It’s not out of loathing. Besides, I don’t need to tell you something you already know. You will know that I was glad to see you and am sorry I have to go. We don’t need to get into something so elaborate. Sometimes I enjoy just being simple.

So that night I walked out the door, down the hall, down those stairs. I stared up at the sky, like I did that very first night. That very first night I puked, by the way, from an upset stomach. Not related. I walked through the cool night air, like the first night. Echoes of another last day four years ago ran through my head. That feeling in your rib cage began. And it crept up to the back of my head. But I kept a straight face. I didn’t look behind me. The lot was coming up. I fought everything that was coming back. Keep blinking. Keep walking.

Memory is my enemy. It does not work when I want it to. But when I don’t want it to work, it does so all too well. So I turn my head off, which I did. When I got to the car and sat down, I began to realize what was happening. I decided to let it come. Like a great wave building up towards the coastline, I could feel it. Instead, the wave quietly faded and I smiled.

To say that I will not miss it would be wrong. To say that I will not breathe a sigh of relief will also not be wrong. To say I’ve just begun moving toward something greater would be totally correct.

Thanks.