Techno Robot Pudding

i’ve often wondered if it would be better to be a reclusive celebrity or a highly accessible nobody. given, the pressures of fame would weigh down on you. but so would the pressures of being simply ordinary. there’s no glory in that.

i think perhaps the temptations that arise in people seeking private celebrities might cause some stress. stalking would be reserved for the highly zealous. it would make you look twice around that corner after you’ve crept out of bed for a glass of milk. then again, there’s always restraining orders. or pistol permits.

i think i may be coming back around for the first time in many months. i actually have a few things to look forward to. it is a good feeling. it’s like the feeling you get after eating a good meal, and realizing that tomorrow will bring another good meal. i think about food a lot, among other things.

how come tv dinners have great-looking food on the box, but when you open it everything is all fucked up and tossed around? i don’t buy the “product settles” excuse. i think it’s the russians messing with us. glasnost my ass. actually, that sounds painful.

i’ve become tired of people abusing listservs. to the clueless, a listserv is an email address that everyone subscribes to. if you send something to a listserv, everyone subscribed to that listserv gets the message. it’s actually quite nifty. but it has given me reason to question the mental acuity of my fellow majors.

“hi every1 i am looking for some1 2 help w/ my film project it will b a hour shoot call me 5555555 if n e 1 is intrested thx” [sic]

this is bad enough. until his/her fellow idiots reply (once again, to the whole department).

“hi my name is jon and i want 2 help w/ ur project i can b there at 3 but no sooner thx bye” [sic]

i’m often tempted to reply to these people using three words: “just kill yourself.” but i’m not actually in favor of suicide. so instead i wait for my good friend karma to strike these people down at whichever moment darwinian theory deems appropriate.

i’m quite naive. perhaps so naive as to think that idiots will eventually find their comeuppance. i’m also naive enough to hope that this conflict resolution will have some degree of irony to it. irony is rather sweet, after all.

but enough of my pretentious diction. you probably came here for happy words about flowers and unicorns and shit. or you’re here thinking that my disregard of capitalization makes me a hypocrite. that and my sentence fragments. well, go walk into a river.

unless, of course, you’re an okay person. or better. then you can go wait in the line over there where they’re giving out free brownies.

don’t search for a meaning. there isn’t one. don’t look for answers when they don’t exist. this is the meaning of life. or perhaps, as Vonnegut’s Kilgore Trout wrote:

To be
the eyes
and ears
and conscience
of the Creator of the Universe,
you fool.

it only took five months, but it’s finally done. and now we shall have more free time to ourselves. more free time to, uh, do more stupid annoying shit.

i’ll keep myself busy, what with games like NHL 2k7. that and reading. speaking of keeping busy, i’ve been rating my music. perhaps i’ll review some of it later too. this is a work in progress, after all.

autumn is my favorite season. things start to cool down. there’s also my birthday and halloween. hockey season starts, too. my favorite autumn beverage also becomes more readily available. that’s right: apple cider. it doesn’t just hit the spot, it freakin nukes the shit out of it.

i tend to forget lots of things. it’s really a bother. it’s also a bother when i can’t forget certain things. they just keep bothering me, and from time to time something pops up as a special reminder. it causes a wide array of emotions. i try to pretend it doesn’t.

they say that holding things in can give you ulcers. so… how come my stomach hasn’t exploded in an ulcer-bursting orgy of gore yet?

i really wish i could write something hilarious right now. unfortunately, my brain is on vacation somewhere near portugal. you must understand that this is not literal, but figurative. actually, it’s a bad figurative image. rather, my brain has gone on vacation to some place northeast. but not too far northeast. i certainly hope it brought a map, because i know it’s too stubborn to ask for directions.

it took so many left turns it went in circles. damn circles.

funny how the most mundane things can be depressing. take a trip to the supermarket, for example. it’s fantastic to walk through the parking lot and observe all the young kids blasting shitty rap music whilst waiting for mom to return with their Lucky Charms.

i talk far too much about music. i’m a snobbish musical evangelist. subconsciously, i try to “save” everybody. it’s annoying, and i try not to be that way. sometimes i just can’t help it.

looks like i will be finding a wealth of free time beginning in the near future. i can’t wait to sleep in for the first time in five months. it’ll be great. until some punkass wakes me up. or some idiot on the phone trying to sell me something. i think i might unplug the phone. maybe wrap it up in tape and put it in the freezer. that would work.

might go car shopping soon too. that will be fun. at least i know that i can afford something decent. see, something good actually may have come out of all those hours of work. besides chronic pain.

i think i may have a problem with sarcasm. yeah, it’s really quite a problem…

please stand back a few hundred feet if you’d rather not get soaked with wit.

i actually got an assignment done. i had nine days notice. the assignment was done within five. it took about 90 minutes. the product was three minutes of video. i am actually quite pleased with it. there’s something about just sitting there and soaking in the images.

something important happens tomorrow. there will probably be some sort of confusion, maybe some last-minute changes. however, things will run smoothly in the end. everyone will get their speaking done, we will dismantle equipment, and go home. i just hope everything goes fine back where i was supposed to be.

the sabres revealed their new logo and jerseys on saturday. i am not fond of the logo. the jerseys have grown on me a bit, but i’m still weary of them. the center ice logo looks dreadful. however, this will in no way effect the fantastic hockey the team will play this season. i am looking forward to it.

time warner has removed the nfl network from our area’s cable lineup. the excuse is that the nfl network deal would cause a small rise in cable fees for everyone. time warner does not want to raise cable rates for everyone in order to carry a station that only some customers actually watch. they want to put the nfl network on a sports special-interest package for digital customers.

well, why not drop lifetime and put that on a women’s special-interest package? why not drop country music television and put it on a music special-interest package? why not drop fox news and put it on a news special-interest package? we have four news channels, four music channels, and two christian channels; among others. we also have two shopping channels and four channels which show infomercials 80% of the time. at times, the canadian networks may have their feeds cut and replaced by shopping television feeds; supposedly because they go “off the air” for periods of time. if that’s true, then how come i’ve seen late hockey games cut out in favor of shopnbc?

cable rates are going to rise anyways. bite the bullet and pick up nfl network, time warner. for once, i’d like to see other subscribers pay for a channel i like rather than my family paying for their stupid shit channels. then again, it’s probably only a matter of time before we go to satellite…

the bills spanked the dolphins today. defense was huge. i wonder, though. was it a matter of a dominant bills defense or mike mularkey’s frilly limp-shit offense not working? speaking of offense, i’d still like to see some more aggressive calls when the bills have the ball. my “what the fuck” bursts are down, but i’d like to see them decrease further.

tonight we sleep. tomorrow, we dance!

actually, i don’t dance.

you remember that song. it was great. those gentlemen released a new album. download it and then go buy it.

edit: due to the large amount of traffic this post has been getting (most likely from people searching for the song whose lyrics are in the title), i feel as if i need to at least tell everyone what the song is. it’s called “Flagpole Sitta” from the album “Where Have All The Merrymakers Gone.” the band is Harvey Danger. a link to their site is up in the first paragraph.

i’ve borrowed one of these. it’s rather nifty, the manual controls and all. however, i actually still prefer the image quality of a camera i’ve used on many an occasion. it’s not super flashy, but it’s actually quite powerful. i almost consider it an old friend at this point. of course, i still really like it’s slightly superior relative. but not as much as the next step up. maybe i’ll pony up some dough for one of these some day…

sweet exhaustion. how it creates delusions and misfirings in the mind. the ironic sense of apathy is actually somewhat euphoric. as of right now i’m so far gone on mental vacation that i’m into popping on headphones and wading into the depths of some progressive compositions. Bowie’s “Low” and “Heroes” are good for that. Or maybe some of The Cure. Earlier work from Broken Social Scene too, perhaps.

today in a very very local newspaper there was a column written by someone calling himself a “humor columnist.” he went on and on with the same old jokes about the iPod nano. i should’ve known from his self-appointed position and pseudo-witty photo that the column would be filled with the comedic equivalent of a messy regurgitated abortion. i’ve written some fairly mediocre comedy articles, but even the worst had enough cajones to out-joke something of that caliber. of course, there’s the retort “well, why don’t you write something for the paper then?” because firstly, it would probably be mildly offensive; and secondly, not that many people understand my humor anyways. and i don’t really care about the nonbelievers. fuck em.

in other news, i’m losing out. i’ll keep it wide open like that.

blown wide open.