Archive for June 2006
hip to be squared
just got back from Thursday in the Square….
caught the tail-end of the Trews’ set: just a great fuckin band. their live show beautifully complements their two fantastic releases.
and then the main act 54-40: legends. one hell of a show from a key group out of the Vancouver, nay, Canadian, nay, North American rock scene. i’d elaborate but i can’t put into words the variety of elements that came together.
if you’ve heard of neither band- go to the record store, sinner.
how to win
vices. everyone has them. some worse than others. for instance, there are people who look at midget porn for all hours of the night. or perhaps they chew at their toenails until blood squeezes out. maybe they watch cartoons night and day until the cows come home.
me? mine are not very interesting.
though i suppose you could count listening to people as a vice. you see, i actually pay some attention to people when they talk to me. when it’s a customer, i often also pretend i give a shit about where their precious purchase is going to punctuate the doldrums of their daily dormatory.
“should i get this one? or this one?” fuck, i don’t know. get them both. jesus christ. you’ve dragged me through the whole yard for about ten laps and twenty minutes of stupid questions. we’ve pulled down and put back some hundred combinations of two things each. my arms, legs, eyes, ego, and voice are tired beyond possibility. just make up your mind.
“can i bring this back if it doesn’t fit?” um, no. since you’re having enough trouble with the buying process, we’re not going to bother trying to exchange or refund whatever you can’t make up your mind on.
“will this look good where i’m going to put it?” why are you asking me? do i look like an expert on color coordination and exterior design? tell ya what; stick it up your ass and go ask a proctologist.
“can i get a deal if i get 5 of these?” yes. here’s the deal: you get to take them home. in fact, i’ll also let you leave here without my knuckle marks in your head.
“do you have any [variety we ran out of a month ago] left?” no.
“are you sure?” yes.
“there aren’t any in the back?” ah, you caught me. i was hiding a bunch of the good ones in the back. and they’re not only exactly what you’re looking for, they also cure herpes and shit fucking rainbows all over the place! aren’t you lucky!?!?!?
“i got this from you two weeks ago and it died. do you guys guarantee things?” no. you’re an idiot. we’re not responsible for things idiots do.
“i did what they told me to do.” i’m sure you did. how often did you water it?
“every day.” hence it is sopping wet. and how much sun did you give it?
“oh, from about 11 until sunset.” which is why the leaves are crispier than tin foil. i doubt that we tell our customers how to kill plants, so i’m going to say that you went along thinking you knew what you were doing and instead of asking for help when things started to get odd you prodded along into the depths of oblivousness. i suggest your next plant purchase be an artificial one, and i sincerely hope you do not have any offspring. thank you, goodbye.
oh how i wish i could say all the things i’ve been thinking.
fie football fiddlery
US loses to Ghana…. bad officiating, i say. especially the call that lead to Ghana’s PK goal. and what’s with all these players falling on the ground and moaning after taking a little hit? bunch of whiny babies, i say. some nice suspenseful moments though. as for the winner, i’m now rooting for Germany.
just finished another Vonnegut book. Cat’s Cradle was fantastic. it definitely makes it harder for me to decide which of his books is my favorite. of course, now that i’m done with this book i must decide what to read next. i have several books i haven’t finished yet, but i’m tempted to finish that Clancy title i’ve put on hold for a while.
speaking of Clancy, read Without Remorse. one of his best; a dark and violent character study that gives an insight into one of his most popular characters. it is ruthless at times and tragic at others. if you like happy books, don’t read this one. if you like action, depth, and realism; pick it up.
you don’t get that shit from no Oprah book club, girlfriend!
“girlfriend?” time for a cold shower.
can’t always get what you want
sometimes diving, drama queens, and the trap get people somewhere….
here’s my whole feeling after tonight’s game:
series of one
welp, it’s a series of one now. hahaha, 4-0 oilers.
and world cup action. three dismissals in one game? a 1-1 tie against a premier soccer power with one less man? USA! USA! USA!
needed: Italy win AND US win
OR
Italy tie AND US win by 4+
you’ve probably noticed the design change. don’t like it? gah, read the RSS feed instead. and find the link yourself. it’s down there somewhere.
what’s with people who don’t look around for things? hey fucko, the sign is right in front of you. by “right in front,” i don’t mean six yards. or even six feet. i mean six inches. take a minute to read it rather than making a blind assumption.
adventures in customer service, these are.
