Techno Robot Pudding

well, as i was stuck in the dizzying flurry of bullshit i apparently forgot to do something that would guarantee me a free 200 bucks. previous experience tells me that beating myself up over it will do no good, so i’m going to throw the memory away and ignore the attempts of others to make it resurface.

oh, word of the day.

no, it’s not significant. or symbolic.

i’m drooling over the prospect of buying a video camera. as usual, i’m hesitant to pull the trigger, hoping that a nice deal will make it’s way to me. i missed out on one a few weeks ago, and i’m kicking myself for that.

i can’t remember anything, either. it gives one a feeling of stupidity when their memory won’t work the way it should. of course, other things pile on and things are soon fantastically abysmal.

so really, that’s why i’m apathetic. you can’t spell apathetic without pathetic, this is true. the core priorities are in order. but here’s the irony. the things i do remember make everything seem so boring. i’ve heard the same things over again, learned the same lessons over again, and i purposely trip the wire for sheer entertainment value. and the things that could help change things are overlooked because i involuntarily forget them.

summer hasn’t started and since i think i know what it entails, i’m waiting for it to be over already. each day passes and no coherant building blocks have been made to advance much of anything. sure, people are helped. sure, money is made. sure, chores get finished. but it’s generally the same old shit.

that’s what history is, folks. the same shit over and over. it won’t end. from this perspective, reincarnation is horrifying. you go through the same shit to come back and go through the same shit. or the afterlife. can you change what goes on? a little. but it will eventually turn into the same cycle of shit. yes, it will. that in itself is the most frightening thing about the nature of reality or the theory of another reality. it’s all limited. maybe i can’t wrap my mind around new possibilities, but that’s only because i haven’t thought of them yet.

and here’s the biggest irony. how do you derive pleasure from the same old shit? you start to forget. so there it is; forgetfulness holds you down to a set of possibilities, and to enjoy things you must forget the minute redundancies you remember.

but won’t you feel bad about forgetting things important to you? well, eventually you will forget why they are important. and then you’ll sink into apathy.

so if i take pride in knowing lots of things and ignorance is bliss, i’ve doomed myself to a lesser state of miserable information.

confused? don’t worry, it’s all in your head.